I’m tempted to start a recurring little bit here - Tales of Homegirl.  

Just because it’s increasingly difficult for me to contain my utter astonishment/roiling hatred.  

Examples:

* I discovered yesterday, quite by accident, that Homegirl has stockpiled toilet paper not in the bathroom but in her bedroom.  Why, you may ask… I don’t know.  

* This is a real actual unadulterated quote: “I mean, I have a college degree - but I just can’t figure out how to use this vacuum!” (side note: it’s literally a push button.  You push a button and it’s on.  That’s it.)

Perhaps I’ll do this as letters! 

Dear Homegirl,

As my father strove to teach me for many years (eventually successfully, might I add), when the trash (or recycling, let’s be honest) is full… don’t put something on top of the can.  Take the trash out instead.  Also, if you put your foul-smelling juicer remnants or your uncooked chicken bits or anything else in the trash that is already smelly, chances are it’s going to get smellier… so just take it out.  This is how you engender good relationships with roommates.  

xoxo,

the guy who’s life you consistently make miserable just by your sheer perseverance on this planet.